![]() A couple of chasers later, we’ll all be out on the dance floor pretending we can dance and banking on our old friend inebriation to throw us a zero hour bone. I quote “This is your night tonight, everything’s gonna be alright” and point you towards the upbeat flavor as this is evidently not the music of surreptitiously suggestive sex crime. ![]() You’re thinking there is some underlying subtext about all women being inherently evil and I would like to set those racing minds at ease with a matching pair of wisdom nuggets. My superhero was of masculine design and, with opposites attracting so marvelously, my supervillain will be of female origin. Thus, to get the ball rolling, I’m going to shake things up some. It has to be a more organic process than that as technology waits for no man and, before I know it, any hardware will have become defunct. I can’t just reel off two fistfuls of malevolent powers, then sit on them until the time comes to elucidate their functions. Needless to say, this will entail great thought, and I’m banking on no thought whatsoever being deemed sufficient. This particular supervillain proposes to be one of the all singing and dancing variety, tooled up to the chrome with all manner of glorious techno gadgetry. If ten items is what it takes to appease the higher forces then ten it shall be. But I’d rather be that than the guy who stands around doing nothing while we wave goodbye to long hot summers and pack away those espadrilles. Whatever happens, I’m the bad guy, even though I’m essentially just following protocol. My feelings are decidedly mixed as, in my experience, you’re damned if you do and also when you don’t. So this is where you join me now, back at the drawing board, and about to throw another all-nighter for the purpose of shoring up good and evil once again. Turns out that supervillains have needs too. You see, I provided my superhero with a ten-item checklist with which to save the world and would now be required to repeat this arduous process for his opposite number. How hard could it be? Simply switch the setting to ☠EVIL☠ and job’s a good ‘un or so I thought. I had to fashion a nemesis fast before seven billion people died smiling and the next race to take up residency pointed their collective finger towards my workshop and screamed “It was him! Get him lads!” As you can see, I was left with precious little choice than to perform the old switcheroonie. Unwittingly, I had made things worse to to the power of one do-gooding superhero, and there could be only one solution to this quandary. Should we Homo sapiens continue not to heed warnings, then it will take more than Impervious Man to bail our species out and the repercussions could be cataclysmic. General consensus appears to be that no threat means no sweat and, only now, is the penny beginning to drop. Nobody gave a rat’s ass about saving the planet until they had themselves something tangible to rebel against. Granted, crime rates are at their lowest since Batman’s last wardrobe malfunction, but there is no smoother a criminal than Mother Nature and she soon picks up on such slapdash endeavor.Ĭonsidering the whole global warming debate for a further moment, it suddenly became clear where we’re going wrong. He may possess a pair of the much-revered Panties of Penetration but, would you believe, I never packed him a repair kit. ![]() At no point whatsoever did I suggest that my superhero could patch up the ozone layer. Now I wish to make this abundantly clear. Plummeting recycling rates offered my first clue that something was amiss as there was a worrying upsurge in indifference to the whole green debate. You see, with global security no longer of imminent priority, mankind started to grow complacent. No incident or headlines should mean no headache but, sadly, this couldn’t have been farther from the truth. The problem is, the planet has become incredibly dull since any street urchins were swept away by our law enforcer. Unfortunately, this sorry little dick squirt still managed to show his face in some stubborn, hard to reach areas but 50% is still progress right? Anyhoots, the world became safe in no time and I had Impervious Man to thank for allowing the elderly to once again sleep easy at night. All was going swimmingly as my caped crusader took to the skies and reported Bieber sightings fell by an astonishing 50% pretty much overnight. Nothing to it really, you’d be amazed the spare parts you can track down online. Recently you may recall that I rustled up my very own superhero. Cash Money & Marvelous “Ugly People Be Quiet” Kid Creole & The Coconuts “Don’t Take My Coconuts” The Blapps Posse Bus’ It (Its Time To Get Bzy)”
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